Young and Foolish

Today is the last day of an awful year and a horrible decade. Part of me can't wait for it to be over, but mostly, I don't care. I feel unmoored, which is a strange way to start a new year. If anything, it serves to highlight how arbitrary new year's is; one more mark on the calendar. Most of you probably know why this year has been so difficult, but the decade is more complex. It's hard to separate the wreck of this nameless decade from my twenties. They both started bright and burned fast, full of heartbreak and flagging optimism. Then, I was young and foolish, ready to fly off the handle all the time. Now I am more circumspect and cynical.

This was my first Christmas without my maternal grandparents. I didn't really feel like celebrating. I never caught the holiday spirit (just gastroenteritis and two colds), since I was working on a show that closed only a few days before Christmas. Most of the items on that overly ambitious knitting list went unfinished or unmade. Normally, that would make me feel guilty, but this year, people got purchased gifts of indifference. Not shitty or thoughtless, but not up to my usual standards. I wonder when that will return, or if that line drawn through my life of before and after is impermeable.

Christmas itself was fine. I came down with a cold, which made my favorite dinner of the year pretty flavorless. My gifts were well received, I think. It was a capital year for knitting gadgets. My Aunt Maria gave me a Knit Kit, which is like a swiss army knife for knitters that looks like a pack of birth control pills. My mom gave me a swift, ball winder, sweater stone, and blocking tiles. It must have been a capital month for Knitpicks. I can wind yarn whenever I want now, if the cat is otherwise occupied. I also got a Borders gift card, which I used today to get a knitting daily calendar (at 50% off, I'm less irritated by the ratio of bad to good patterns), the latest issue of Mental Floss, and two L.M. Montgomery books to replace copies that were loved to death in my childhood. Ninety-seven cents remain on the card, which delights me more than that amount in change possibly could.

Perhaps I will curl up in my bed with one of the books, under my new electric blanket. A mug of cocoa might be nice. I received a few NYE party invites, but I think they will fall to the wayside. I'm generally wary of events requiring universal felicity. No matter what you do, they're almost always a letdown. This year, I think a good wallow is required, which is how I rang in 2000. Well, that and a pretentious black and white art film, but I'll skip that part of the evening. Maybe I'll catch a good Law and Order or House marathon and get some serious knitting done. I overheard my mom and Aunt Holly making plans to exchange gifts in a couple weeks, and my gifts for them are as yet unmade.

Here's a lovely, visual version of my 2009 xmas list:

my wists | clone this

It was hard to come up with a list this year, since I mainly want to be able to breathe through my nose again and for this year to be over. Or the decade to be over, since it's been so lousy. Can't wrap a bow around that, can you?

I am cold and damp. Today, I thought it would be a good idea to go shopping, even though it was raining. Ha. Wouldn't you know, just as I was coming out of Target, with my cart full of Christmas wrapping supplies and other goodies, the sky opened up. As soon as I got home, it had slowed to a drizzle, but I was already soaked to the skin. Guess we've reverted to typical November weather after that lovely week of Indian summer.

Isn't it early for Christmas? Well, yes. I nearly burst into tears in the middle of a Christmas display today. It was not a high self-esteem moment. I am working on a show now that closes mere days before Christmas, which means that I have to gather all my supplies early, like a squirrel with acorns. I've got paper, tags, and boxes. Now all I have to do is knit the gifts to go inside them! This year, I made a really ambitious list of Christmas knitting. Some would call it crazy. It is crazy. Who else would think they could knit a sweater, blanket, two shawls, four hats, two sets of fingerless gloves, and a sock monkey between now and Christmas? Guess what I'll be doing with every spare moment between now and the 24th?

Today is the first full day I've had off and been conscious since tech. Tech was epic and hard. What a perfect time to come down with gastroenteritis! I was so tired that I wanted to take a nap half an hour after getting out of bed, but soldiered on. The Monday after tech was nothing but naps. I had envisioned making great strides on my Hap Blanket, maybe taking a bubble bath. Nope. In the past, I've flippantly said that I'd sleep when I'm dead, but I don't want to die anytime soon. I'm even going to the doctor tomorrow to talk about what I can do to help boost my immune system. Within the past three months, I've had the flu and this GI debacle, and I can't take anymore. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Tonight, I did something that I haven't done in ages. I watched NBC. Since they moved Leno into primetime, I haven't. 30 Rock and I have a standing date on Hulu on Friday mornings. 9 pm used to belong to NBC on my tv, but the shows that used to air at 9 are on at 8 now. There are other things that I watch at 8. This week, however, there are mysterious baseball games pre-empting Glee and other excellent shows. So I decided to give my old friend another chance and caught an episode of Law and Order SVU. I reached for the remote promptly at 8:59 to change the channel. NBC, we are broken up. I might still check up on you online, but it would take something pretty special to get me back. I'll act like we're reconciling for the Olympics, but I'll go back to the good time gals of cable right after the closing ceremonies. Try to look surprised when it happens.

I tried on the February Lady Sweater after some serious power knitting and discovered that it looks like shit on my breasts. I love the pattern and it wasn't too small, exactly, it just looked weird in the chest. This was disappointing, since I've been looking forward to wearing it. Instead, I've decided to give it to my grandmother who is less buxom. She has the same size shoulders as I do, so it will fit her well. After the holidays, I'll make another one for myself. Not identical, though, because that would be strange.

Speaking of holidays, I went to my aunt's birthday party last week. It was like a Pinter play with Chinese food. A lot of Chinese food; they had it waiting in a big, heavy box when we went to pick it up. The sassy owner asked us how many people we'd ordered for and my aunt answered truthfully. After we got out to the car, I told her we should have told her it was just for us to see the look on her face.

My mother was feeling rather generous on Sunday and gave me four skeins of Malabrigo Worsted. I thought that it was enough to make a February Lady Sweater of my own, but I was mistaken. Instead, I am busily knitting it into a Wicked pullover. The yarn is a rich chianti color, so the sweater may get a lot of wear during the holidays, provided I finish it in time. I'm feeling optimistic, since I'm spending a lot of time streaming video from Netflix these days. My latest addiction is Dexter. There's really no way to describe the show that does it justice. Let's just say that it's highly excellent and leave it at that.

Last night, I spent an hour or two reading my Grandmother's diaries from the year before and the year that I was born. It was an interesting read. I'd found her old date books, in which she'd made comments about the day's events, but hadn't realized that she used to be an actual diarist. I learned a lot of little things, like that the photographer was a no-show at my parents' wedding. I'd assumed that the pictures were lost or destroyed. Also, Grandma misspelled my name on the day that I was born, which made me laugh. I doubt my dad spelled it out for her when he called from the hospital, but she had it correct the next day. It was really wonderful to see how excited she was about my birth and how much she loved me from the beginning. It also made me miss her terribly. Hell, I'm crying now, just writing about it. She was my favorite person in the world.

On a cheerier note, my favorite band released a new album today. Apparently, they were interviewed about it on NPR recently, but I didn't hear it. Surprising, since I listen to NPR most of the time. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the album in the new releases on the iTunes home page. If you don't listen to Pink Martini, you should. They're incredibly live. Look at that album cover art; what a lovely homage to the jazz albums of the fifties and early sixties. The album is more reflective than their previous ones, but perfect for a rainy autumn afternoon.

Knit Faster

That's what I keep telling myself, because it is sweater weather. In other years, I have been happy to see my beloved sweaters back in rotation, but not this year. I do not like feeling cold. I have taken to wearing undershirts like a little kid again. And it's not just me. Winston is feeling the cold as well. His winter coat came in a couple months ago (which has me a little concerned about the severity of the upcoming winter), and now it is puffed up a little. He sleeps in a ball, instead of his usual sprawl. It occurred to me that he may not actually gain weight in the winter, but might only appear bigger by puffing up his coat to trap heat in its layers. Once it really gets cold, he'll stand over the heat ducts like a Victorian match seller, which gives the place a distinct eau du chat.

The other day, I noticed that my car smelled funky. Funky is an understatement. It stunk. I hadn't driven it in several days, and the smell nearly knocked me over. Fortunately, nothing died in there. A month or so ago, I had a mildew/mold incident and apparently hadn't eradicated it. That black carpeting fooled me. When I went to clean it, I discovered a colony of mustard yellow mold that looked like it was ready to hold free elections. WTF? The mildew incident didn't even happen where the mold had bloomed. Well, Oxiclean to the rescue. Today, I went to the do it yourself carwash and shampooed and vacuumed it out. Now the car smells like carpet shampoo, but I'm not complaining. I also took the contents of my glitter Virgin Mary coin bank, minus quarters, to the Coinstar today. It was a day for boring errands. It did net me a $7 gift certificate to iTunes, so not all bad.

I am currently knitting a February Lady Sweater, which was a succes fou on Ravelry last year. It is a garter yoked top down sweater with a lace body. The lace pattern is fairly mindless, so I don't have to devote a lot of attention to it. Perfect. I just need to knit faster. I really should be working on my Christmas knitting, but I'm not very motivated in that direction. I don't really feel like making anything for anybody right now. Not out of hatefulness, but a real lack of interest in putting that much effort into projects for other people. I want to knit lots of cozy, warm sweaters for ME. I've scaled back the list a little, to make it more attainable. Not fewer people, but smaller projects, but it's still a long list.