Doubt

I finished the cotton cardigan. I loved making it. I don't love wearing it. It's too big. Did I try it on over another sweater when I tried it on mid-knit? You can discover a lot about a garment the first time you wear it. For starters, I wish that I'd made the waist higher. And I'll need to move the button so that it doesn't pull? Yeah, how can a button pull like that on a sweater that's too big? It just doesn't seem fair. So, I'll take off the button and wash and block the sweater. Maybe it will shrink, though the designer says that hers, made from the same yarn, has not. Le sigh.
The button band pulls. I have this problem with another cardigan I made last year. If I really cared, I'd tear out its band and knit on a new one that doesn't pull up at the hem. I even stabilized that one with petersham ribbon. It makes me doubt my skills. I'm not a big process knitter. I don't love knitting lace or argyle. Intarsia isn't in my vocabulary, and don't get me started on fairisle. I knit to have a garment, to relax, to pass the time on the train, in front of the telly, etc. So, cranking out a couple of disappointments, is well, a let-down. Am I secretly a shitty knitter? Do other knitters know? Well, I'm just going to soldier on with more projects. Hell, I've probably stashed enough to get me through the next few years. I feel like I've plateaued. I'm not challenging myself. In a lot of ways.
I went to see one of my friends on Tuesday who is going away to grad school. I'd never been to his house before, but now I wish that I had taken him up on his invitations. I'm going to miss him a lot. This is that hard, separation anxiety time of year, when summer stock starts winding down. Except I'm usually the person leaving. I've been having a hard time lately. The whole ordeal with my car, and my friend leaving, and unrewarding drudgery at work has been really shitty. What a time to have a break from therapy, eh?
On my way into work on Wednesday, I got a call from Lewis telling me that he can't go to Canada after all. I did not take that very well, as you can imagine. I know he's upset about it, too, because we were both really looking forward to going. I called my mom, who advised me to just cancel the whole trip. That wasn't exactly the advice I wanted. Then I had to go into work and call a bunch of people who attended our performances eight years ago, with all of this weighing on me. I really couldn't catch a break.

Before canceling the whole trip, I decided to call a couple of friends whom I thought would be free in September. Lucky for me, my friend Elizabeth jumped at the chance to go. She's even a Pink Martini fan! I haven't seen her in a year, so I'm really excited to see her again. I think it's pretty cool to meet up for a vacation. We don't have to start our journey in the same place. So, it looks like there's a happy ending to that story, but I could have done without all the drama.